i can't actually remember the last time i had what i would call a best girl friend. from junior high and on, i kept getting hurt over and over again by those i had given that title to, so i gave having one up altogether. instead, i chose to have groups of friends that i connected with on different levels. film and show going friends, readers, crafters, barflies, etc. there are people who overlap multiple levels and those are the ones that i feel the closest to. sometimes i am not the best at keeping in touch, but i do try to keep up with what is going on in friend's lives by reading my friend's list. outside of my friends, i find so many people fascinating, that when i found another really fascinating person, i automatically added them to my friend's list. it's become too much of a strain to keep up and make sure i know what is going on in my closest friend's lives. actually, me not keeping up with my friend's list was the straw that broke the camel's back and it resulted in one of my oldest and closest friends friend dumping me. this has really made me open my eyes.

i purged some lj friends who are definitely cool people that i like and admire, but that i don't feel like i connect with on the multiple levels aforementioned or that i have tried it with before and it never took off. i need to keep those people that i connect with on multiple levels close to me because i am going through a lot and in the meantime, i am just trying to be the best friend i can be to those people. in a lot of ways, keeping track of so many people's lives is perhaps keeping me from being closer to others. i'm sorry, but i had to do this for myself.