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"we'll write a script from the window; watching people below..." - tell me tell me tell me you'll miss miss miss me — LiveJournal
leigh approved linkaroos... rhymes with twee ♥ ♥ shows i have attended or may attend ♥ ♥ myspace ♥ ♥ flickr ♥ ♥ yelp ♥ ♥ art of the mix ♥ ♥ amazon wishlist January 2010
 
 
 
 
 
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Mon, Apr. 22nd, 2002 01:11 pm
"we'll write a script from the window; watching people below..."

it hurts the most when i think about all of the little dreams that jeremiah and i had planned for the future. so many dreams that may never happen. i try to keep thinking that things are going to change for the better; that he's going to tell me that he's sorry for everything and that he loves me and that before he was so confused. that he knows now that i am the one thing that will make his life work. one day ticks into another day and i receive no such phone call, letter, or midget playing a bongo drum [a la 'love & sex']. so i get even more nostalgic. i look at his photos. i go to sleep cuddling a tear soaked pillow far too often.

youdidntdoanythingwrongyoudidntdoanythingwrongyoudidntdoanythingwrong

i have cried at really sad times, like 1:11 on a monday afternoon or 11ish on a friday night. i almost cried in the bathroom at work last week, but that would have been too sad. i can't turn the sadness off. i can only try to turn it down by blocking it out with loud music + people that i love. sometimes i come close to succeeding only to remember that i used to share [insert band name here] with him. that i'd called him on my cell and hold it up while [insert band name here] was playing a song that he'd put on a mixtape for me or i'd put on a mixtape for him. everything i did i shared with him. absolutely nothing is sacred. so instead of sulking more on friday night, i made him a mix-cd [this is in addition to mixtape #3 i am making him] after wiping those tears away.

+ don't be scared off by the noise +

hold your head up - kissing book
i should have stayed asleep - aerospace
steps into miles - hayden
through your skies - january
by the way - heavenly
when i get home for christmas - snow patrol
sexy drummer - jim guthrie
breaks - little red car wreck
adolescent song of mindless devotion - the lucksmiths
rip it up - orange juice
little star - the push kings
beep beep love - the incredible moses leroy
if you say - eggstone
sicily - mazarin
harmony - floraline
esta muy triste - loopdrop
shine - velour 100
i wait for you - yume bitsu

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: mazarin - sicily [on repeat for the 8th time...so far]

8CommentReply

lazyspark
lazyspark
Sarah
Mon, Apr. 22nd, 2002 11:04 am (UTC)

*sigh* oh love, it is best to have loved ones there. i'm here :) especially considering i'm in the same boat.


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brantastic
brantastic
bramlet abercrombie
Mon, Apr. 22nd, 2002 11:19 am (UTC)

heylo. just wanted to send some hugs your way. if nothing else, at least there *is* the good music and the good people to distract you for a little while. that's what i rely on. feel better, leighbee!


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wedrinkbitter
wedrinkbitter
My Blank Pages
Mon, Apr. 22nd, 2002 02:13 pm (UTC)

Sweetheart, I know it's amazingly hard to believe or see it now, but it does get better. Not that you suddenly wake up one day and you realize anything bad, but you just sort of learn to live with it.

Leigh, I've been through this feeling a hundred times, and each time I swear it will be the last. I swear that my heart just can't possibly hold any more romantic loss. That it can never be as perfect as it was, that time.

And you know what? Slowly - I mean really slowly, it takes fucking years, for me it did - you learn what is good for you. You learn what is going to last, and what love doesn't fade or break, you learn what love you can put your weight on. It's nothing that comes easily, especially if you're as drama-addicted as I am, or was. And you learn that it's not just built on passion, it's built on things like flexibility, and forgiveness, and just being able and wanting to be there. And as you learn what things you have to offer, as you learn how much you deserve to be loved, these things come easier.

In the meantime, let's go out and drink Bahama Mamas, sing karaoke, and eat fried chicken. That seems to make everything better, too.


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madflowr
madflowr
she speaks in song lyrics
Mon, Apr. 22nd, 2002 02:20 pm (UTC)

yea. bring it on eran. but as for me i'll be drinking malibu baybreezes. remember? that drink i got you at the superchunk show? :D yum!


ReplyThread Parent
wedrinkbitter
wedrinkbitter
My Blank Pages
Mon, Apr. 22nd, 2002 02:32 pm (UTC)

Shit.... that's what it's called! Motherfucker, I need a drink recipe, that shit was pumpkin pie. Anyway, gimme a call if you want to go out.... you got da numbah.


ReplyThread Parent
lalalaini
lalalaini
lalalaini
Mon, Apr. 22nd, 2002 02:26 pm (UTC)

lala, i don't know if i ever told you this, but i think it is so amazing of you that you are still there for him even though it makes you sad. all of your friends (especially me, hehe) are so lucky to have you. :)

ps - i hope you stopped coughing!


ReplyThread
madflowr
madflowr
she speaks in song lyrics
Mon, Apr. 22nd, 2002 02:51 pm (UTC)

yes. the coughing fits have subsided for the time being. actually i haven't had a bad coughing fit since around noon. here's hoping this cold will be gone by b&s! unfortunately i have decided not to see the pocket rockets/villa rosie show tonight, because i know it'll be smokey and i know that i really can't be around that or else the coughing will start again. and i really can't afford to miss out on any more work, esp. since we'll be gone for a good bit at b&s. mm!


ReplyThread Parent
ex_cannonbal526
s.
Tue, Apr. 23rd, 2002 10:01 pm (UTC)

hugs. i'm here if you need to talk. xo


ReplyThread