come and hold my hand in the night time.
don?t you know that you?ve got the way that makes me want to melt?
i want it to be you that i hold in the night time."
-lazy day (birdie)
i'm shivering again. waiting for the phone to ring. all i feel is cold. i (re)started mixtape #3 for him last night while i was waiting for him to call back. and i'm still waiting. this birdie song is playing in my head. i am so cold. it is cold in the basement. i feel so disconnected from everything. i feel unloved. i may not be unloved, but i feel it. all over. and at night underneath these new covers not yet graced by my lover; that's when it stings the most.
i have been writing again. only when i'm depressed do i feel like i actually write quality stuff. i should be churning out plath like poetry by now because i am that depressed. but i am trying. trying to smile. trying to think good thoughts of soft smiles and sly eyes. but my words of those times seem covered in soot right now. my love is so far away and it's driving us both crazy. but now i haven't heard from him and he was so depressed the last time we spoke. i feel helpless. i feel hurt. i feel empty.
i can't do anything except say "i love you" and tell him that i wish i could hold him in my arms. i can't wrap them around him, but i wish that i could. i tell him everything is going to be alright. i tell myself that too in the deadest parts of night.
i used to have a diaryland and this used to be there, but i decided to move all of my entries here.