November 15th, 2007

against demons

What a dreary day for a funeral

I flew into National yesterday and met Nancy there. We cabbed back to Alexandria, changed into wake appropriate clothing and drove to pick up Les at the Van Dorn Metro stop and we were off to Dundalk. The drive was full of much laughter and great Laini stories. We listened to two mixtapes she made me. One was all Dandy Warhols and the second was just a mix that she made called Holiday Rock, which had nothing to do with holidays, but I think it was because she gave it to me for Christmas. Seeing her body last night was really, really a shock. Les said to be prepared for it to look nothing like her, but it looked nothing like her last night lying there in the beautiful coffin. Our Laini was much more beautiful. They did dress her up in a very Laini outfit and there was a moleskin journal in there as well. To anyone who did not make it last night and will not make it today to the funeral, be glad that your last memory of Laini is one of her smiling, laughing, and filled with so much life.

Seeing Dorothea and Emmanuel was just heart-breaking. To lose your only daughter. It's just unfathomable. I was late to Midway airport yesterday because I was making 50 pins with Laini's name inside of a heart. I sheepishly gave them to Dorothea and Emmanuel, thinking that it was kind of a strange thing to do, but it really just felt so right. We all started laughing and crying thinking about her gigantic pin collection. They ended up being a huge hit. I will make a new batch of these pins at home because I believe everyone of them was snapped up yesterday. If you want one, you can send a SASE to me at 948 N Wolcott Ave Chicago, IL 60622 if you're in the states. If you are not, contact me and we can work something out. She was loved by so many. Brianne's flight yesterday was delayed from Portland. She sent me updates. They grounded her in Chicago and because they were only using two tracks there, her new flight didn't take off until 6 a.m. She should be at Reagan International Airport at 8:42 a.m. I need to make sure Nancy is awake and then we leave to get her. Shelly's school laid down the law and wouldn't let her come. We were pretty crushed by that. 2008 we will reunite the remaining sha-sha-sha-shaw society members. It really sucks that my drama is the last thing up there. Really.

Last night after the wake, we went to Paper Moon Diner. I ate a big dipper, a side of garlic mashed potatoes, drank a chocolate milkshake and got a white chocolate raspbery cake to go. Nancy and Les got turkey burgers and Nancy got bread budding to go. I bought Les a late bday piece of dark truffle cake. So many late night memories of Laini live at Paper Moon. She'll live on in so many people, places, and bands. Crank some Radiohead, Dandy Warhols, Blur, The Lucksmiths, Mirah, etc. today in her memory.
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aquatic, the life

In the Aeroplane over the Sea (Neutral Milk Hotel)

brianne's flight was delayed in chicago and she didn't take off until 6am today. the traffic was horrific getting her at reagan national, but we somehow were only 15 minutes late to the funeral. after the service and the walk to the gravesite, we went to acropolis in greek town, laini's favorite restaurant. laini's next door neighbor and saint, joe, drove nancy to the airport which was such a relief as i have been in the car at least 6 hours in the last two days driving to and from baltimore. after the lunch was over, dorothea and emmanuel asked brianne and i back to the house where we talked about laini and i finally met kylie and noni. brianne and i made plans to go to paper moon again on saturday with the stamathises. it's just really comforting being with them and it seems like they feel the same way. love was sent to them from all of you who couldn't make it. they send their love. so much love. these past couple days have been really draining for all of us.

we all know how important music was to laini. the priest who performed the service knew her and really got her. the eulogy mentioned her love for her favorite band radiohead and how she had friends all over the world who loved her. as we walked to the gravesite the rain poured harder and harder. yesterday i remember her love for this song and how absolutely fitting this song is for all of us.

In the Aeroplane over the Sea (Neutral Milk Hotel)

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me

Anna's ghost all around
Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me
Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees

Now how I remember you
How I would push my fingers through
Your mouth to make those muscles move
That made your voice so smooth and sweet
And now we keep where we don't know
All secrets sleep in winter clothes
With one you loved so long ago
Now he don't even know his name

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see
Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all
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