April 22nd, 2002

aquatic, the life

"we'll write a script from the window; watching people below..."

it hurts the most when i think about all of the little dreams that jeremiah and i had planned for the future. so many dreams that may never happen. i try to keep thinking that things are going to change for the better; that he's going to tell me that he's sorry for everything and that he loves me and that before he was so confused. that he knows now that i am the one thing that will make his life work. one day ticks into another day and i receive no such phone call, letter, or midget playing a bongo drum [a la 'love & sex']. so i get even more nostalgic. i look at his photos. i go to sleep cuddling a tear soaked pillow far too often.

youdidntdoanythingwrongyoudidntdoanythingwrongyoudidntdoanythingwrong

i have cried at really sad times, like 1:11 on a monday afternoon or 11ish on a friday night. i almost cried in the bathroom at work last week, but that would have been too sad. i can't turn the sadness off. i can only try to turn it down by blocking it out with loud music + people that i love. sometimes i come close to succeeding only to remember that i used to share [insert band name here] with him. that i'd called him on my cell and hold it up while [insert band name here] was playing a song that he'd put on a mixtape for me or i'd put on a mixtape for him. everything i did i shared with him. absolutely nothing is sacred. so instead of sulking more on friday night, i made him a mix-cd [this is in addition to mixtape #3 i am making him] after wiping those tears away.

+ don't be scared off by the noise +

hold your head up - kissing book
i should have stayed asleep - aerospace
steps into miles - hayden
through your skies - january
by the way - heavenly
when i get home for christmas - snow patrol
sexy drummer - jim guthrie
breaks - little red car wreck
adolescent song of mindless devotion - the lucksmiths
rip it up - orange juice
little star - the push kings
beep beep love - the incredible moses leroy
if you say - eggstone
sicily - mazarin
harmony - floraline
esta muy triste - loopdrop
shine - velour 100
i wait for you - yume bitsu
  • Current Music
    mazarin - sicily [on repeat for the 8th time...so far]