August 31st, 2001

aquatic, the life

"but you know that's she's gone, because she left you a song..."

"but you know that she's gone,
because she left you a song,
that you don't want to sing.
singing i believe that lovers should be chained together,
and thrown into a fire with their songs and letters,
left there to burn,
left there to burn,
in their arrogance..."

-perfect sonnet (bright eyes)

tonight was tough all over. i felt completely sick once i got back from work. and now i'm just playing this bright eyes song over + over. today was brian's birthday. it was also the day that i told him i didn't want him in my life anymore. because i don't.

i agreed to let him come over [and bring back my microwave and some of my photographs that i let him borrow while we were dating] even tho i was feeling ill. he comes in and we have a long hug. i started feeling more sick at that point. it continued during his birthday dinner [taco bell]. i watched him eat and that also made me sick. he chews with his mouth open at least 1/3 of the time. things i used to find cute about him have now turned into things i find annoying about him.

a few times he tried to touch me and put his arm around me. it felt so wrong and i shrugged him off each time. i just was repulsed by him. he just turned into this person i had no idea he could be. mean spirited. he just became some childish when i told him i couldn't be friends with him i couldn't believe it. i'm just glad it's over now. i told him that i'm doing alright and that i would probably meet mr. washington state jeremiah sometime fairly soon-ish. apparently that triggered some "get even" switch inside brian and he went on and on about how he wants to be with this girl who has a boyfriend and a girlfriend. blah blah blah. the girlfriend of this girl is more a friend than a girlfriend. blah blah blah. the boyfriend of this girl abuses her. he just kept on talking about this and i broke out the classic line [which i'm pretty happy i got to use]: "i think it's time for you to leave." and i walked to the door and opened it for him. and out he walked. happy mutha effing birthday brian.

i used to have a diaryland and this used to be there, but i decided to move all of my entries here.
  • Current Music
    bright eyes - perfect sonnet