May 8th, 2001

aquatic, the life

"i'm about to fade, like shadows in the shade..."

in less than 24 hours, i will be coming home from seeing sigur ros at irving plaza. i really don't know what to expect. i know it will be beautiful and painful. and i know that i like chicken and peas. no wait. i don't like peas. at all. except for snow peas.

jen told me tonight that she and karyn were thinking of moving out to san francisco [if i spelled that correctly]. i am very scared by this. i am scared of losing everything that means something to me. i've already lost brad. and it seems like i've lost him for good this time. i have not heard from him in 4 months. that is the longest i've ever gone without talking to him. even through fights, we'd make up and be good friends again. i don't know what happened this time to change things. we were really the best of friends, up until he got this girlfriend. and then...nothing. he simply forgot that i existed. am i really that forgettable?

i noticed at the wag the other night that twice when i said something at the same time one of my friends said something that my comment was the one that took second place. it actually really made me sad. and i don't know why these little things make me sad.

i am making terence a mixtape for his birthday which is today! i am waking up at 09:30 tomorrow so i can get on the road to lalaland + then it's off to philly with lalalaini to get tataterence. this tape is going to be a belated present, as i'm only four songs into it. at now! on saturday i picked up the new juno cd...btw it's really forking good. i also got electroscope - journey to the center of. it's also good, in a mixed up clarinet-lovin' sort of way. why did i play alto sax + not clarinet? i could be in so many more types of bands if i played clarinet. sigh sigh. i am 22 on thursday! and my friends and i are taking over my fave restaurant, honolulu, for the occasion.

i used to have a diaryland and this used to be there, but i decided to move all of my entries here.
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