October 17th, 2000

aquatic, the life

"like take for instance the distance...growing between you and i..."

so...i've got that song on repeat. and it's tearing into my heart like radiohead does.

taken from a chat with a friend on aim earlier tonight: "boy meets girl at work [with retards]. boy likes girl. girl is married. boy tells girl he likes girl anyways. girl likes the boy though she's married. boy and girl hang out a lot. boy ignores his best friend for almost two fucking weeks. boy calls his best friend on sunday and tells her that he all but sexxed married girl. girl asked her husband for a divorce."

i was the best friend in the above math equation. i'm really trying to be happy for him, but this girl was married...and i don't know. i just wonder if she would have left her husband had he not entered the equation. my best friend thinks she is the one. i'm too sad lately to be happy for him. the aforementioned d. and i are pretty much taking a break from one another. and i had this crazy good feeling about him. like all over. and in his mixtape. and in the one i made for him. and in his scent; it was called 'angel'. i'm already using the word 'was'. i feel guilty and annoyed at myself. i just can't help but think some tiny thing i did was some tiny part of why we're taking this pause. heck, i was the one who suggested it, but i didn't really think he'd agree to it. but he did. and now here i am. i just signed his guestbook. he was online earlier and i somehow supressed my urge to double click on his screen name. i don't know how, but i did. i can't focus at all. and i know it's petty and childish, but i'm down. this really wonderful boy who was telling me i was the bee's knees a few weeks ago, just stopped. out of nowhere. no phonecalls. no webcam. no word from him until last night. and a few tears escaped.

i used to have a diaryland and this used to be there, but i decided to move all of my entries here.
  • Current Music
    the ivory coast - bad blood through blue veins